I just found out that my friends got coupled !

U know what ! I had just found out that 2 of my friends had just coupled. (Don't ask me who they are, cause I promised not to tell).

When I got the news i was mesmerize and surprise cause I totally didn't see it coming. But one thing for sure, they will surely make a great couple just like me and kimkim. (Should I invite them for a double date ? It will be great fun asking them how did they manage to couple and So... under the radar !)

And talking about new couple, I suddenly got a very wicked thought about what kind of nasty things can happen on the very important 1st date. (many girls judge a boy merely by the 1st date impression, if u failed to impress on the 1st date it is all GAME OVER !)

My wicked thought sounded something like this. Try Imagine urself holding hands with ur new girlfriend walking at the mall while waiting for the movie to start. Then suddenly u got a very bad stomachache (those that requires immediate attention to the poo, if u get what i mean), so u politely told her that u need to go to the washroom to clear up b4 the movie. Then

U immediate get to work.

Cause U only got a 1 minute deadline b4 she get moody and go home without u ! (girls are incrediblely impatient compared to the boys!)

After u r done shitting, quickly get buckle up and remember to FLUSH.

Remember guys, no Nasi Kandar b4 important date ! It will definately fuck u up !

This is where my thought gets really fucking outrageously wicked ! The entire flashing system, had all gone haywire after u pull the level, and water starts oozing out from all outlets including those inside the bowl right after u flushed.

HAHAHA !!!

More and more water is coming out, so u attempt to stop the flooding by stucking ur hands at the water outlets.

U should had just ran out of the washroom.

When stucking ur hands doesn't work, it is time to start praying like never before.
But all is too late, and u start to wish that u could die in here, cause it is better to die drowning in shit water, then to go out and face the humiliation of unimaginable misery.

All u ever wanted tonight was just a simple night out.

The moral of the story is, clear ur bowel b4 u leave home and always pray to ur GOD.

McD

Look at the time i post this, it is so early ! For the past few weeks, I had been very busy with my studio assignments and examinations that is draining me from top to bottom ! I didnt sleep well and i didnt eat well ! I was up late most of the night studying, and at some point thinking of wanting to eat MacD !

But do u know that how McD come around ! Let me tell u the story of McDonald. Outrageous Version(Not the the real story just something I make up)

A very long long time ago, a cute little white baby boy was born and was given the name Ronald Mcdonald. He was born into a family that was famous for making fastfood like burgers and milkshakes.

These was his 1st baby pic !

This was him at the age of 3.

Cute ! Yeah ... ! Damn Cute ! Like the AFRO !

Then he continue to grow, and everyday he will be eating burgers, fries and drinking milkshake. At the age of 12 he had become a very fat boy, and ppl start to laughed and mocked him. They even give him a very crude name which is,

They even make him a banner outside school

He was very sad and down during his teenager days and his appetite drop tremendously ! resulting him to lose a lot of weight and he started to gain more friends during his college days. But during that time, those friends of his was all good for nothing friends that involve him with,

Pornography

Outdoor open air fully dressed oral sex !

and the worst, DRUGS ! But at least it will surely make ur happy meal much more happier.

Due to all this negative influences, he dropped out from college and was force out of his fastfood restaurant and living on the street !

Broke and look like crap.

He was so depressed, he decided to take his own life.

But he was saved.

Believing that he was saved because GOD still got duty for him down on earth, so he dropped the idea of killing himself and waited for a sign to show him his faith and destiny.

Then one day, while begging for food on the street, a kind stranger invited him to his restaurant to offer him some food and drinks. People on the street call him " THE KING "

Fast Food Royalty

After tasting the taste of real burgers, McD decided that it is time to straighten things back and go back to his roots which is flipping burgers and reinventing his family restaurant and giving it a new logo. He thought of the golden arches not because his name starts with M and in fact it was this,

Now u know why only they offer milkshake

But soon after he started back filpping burgers, he found very strong competition from another fast food chain which is owned by an old grandpa.

Strong rivalry ! Just like the Reds and the Blues.

McD hate that old man so much, that he eventually decided to,

Get rip of him.

and this was what left of that old man afterwards.

I'm Loving It.

MY FUTURE

U know what, I been thinking a lot about MY FUTURE and I dun see a very bright future for myself. Not because I am not good or I suck at the things I do but it is just that I feel that normal everyday job where u go to ur office 5am in the morning to avoid traffic jams and reach home around 9pm because u got OT just doesn't taste like my cup of tea !

I want to be in a job that is always exciting, get to work with different people every time and the best of all be very satisfied with my job accomplishments ! After giving a thought about what kind of job or career that fulfill the upper criteria, I finally come out with the perfect job that suits my criterion.

And the job is becoming A MALE PORNSTAR ! Definition of A MALE PORNSTAR, is someone who appears in pornographic film, photographs and live show. All they do is just be naked and FUCK all day long! Now that is exciting, first criteria fulfilled !

They get to work with other different people, All the fucking time ! With producer, make-up artist, and especially FEMALE PORNSTARS ! And u know the job will be always satisfying if u know what I mean. (U r getting paid for having no string attached sex, what can be more satisfying then this !)

But from my past experience on porno movies, I found that all the Male actors are all,

Fucking good looking

They got body that is all buildup and tone like an athlete and

they got working tool the size of an bat that can fuck all day long.

But, I am

Not very good looking,

My body is not as tone and built like them, and HELL
i might even have BOOBIES bigger than some of the female pornstars.

And the worst things is

my working tool is like a pen compared to the pornstar's bat ! FUCK......

Finally, I noticed that I might NEVER have a chance to become a pornstar because of my looks, my body and my size, unless I am going to be interested acting in something like this

HELL NO !

But one day, I found some pics online and all my hopes are up again. It is some snapshots of a Japanese Porn Movie and guess what I found ! One of the Male actor looking something like this,

What the fuck ! KNNCCB ! Cibai Tulan !

And the following snapshot even more tulan, it shows him having great fun with the female doctor (Not real doctor, just a female pornstar acting as a doctor, abathen~!).

Female doctor like this only exist in PORN ! Keep Dreaming Pervs !

And by the look of it, his tool is

just a cap compare to mine !

If this ulgy ass face fucker can get himself a role in a porno movie, HELL ! I think I might still have a shot in becoming a pornstar. But after feeling piss off that an ulgy ass face fucker can get sex with such a hotty, I realize that i actually dun want to be a pornstar. And do u want to know why !

It is because the great Outrageous Albert Wu will only sleep (fuck) a gal that he says "I LOVE U" to. And why cares so much about MY FUTURE, as long as I have her by my side.

This is MY FUTURE.

JUST RELAX AND LET IT BE.